Wednesday, May 28, 2008

My Heavy Heart

I have such a heavy heart tonight. I usually try to keep my blog very positive and happy but my heart just hurts tonight and I guess I just want to express it.

I have a very good friend that I have been friends with since Hayden and her Rachel were babies, we actually knew each other way back to when my ex-husband and I first moved to Arizona and we taught one nursery class and she and her husband taught the other nursery class in our church. We also lived in the same apartments as them but Jenni and I didn't make that connection for many, many years. Anyway, I have been doing Jenni's hair and her parents and her sister from Minnesota when she comes into town for a long time, so I know the whole family! I've known since January that her sister in Minnesota, who was pregnant, had an ultrasound in early January where Cassi and her family found out the gender of their baby. At this ultrasound they were told their baby was a girl and were so excited, they have a 2 year old boy. They were also informed that she had a problem with her heart. This finding set in motion an emotional cascade of further testing and appointments that culminated in the baby being diagnosed with a unique chromosomal disease that most closely paralleled something called Trisomy 18. They soon learned that the outlook for children with this disorder is not good with many pregnancies resulting in stillbirth and few living beyond one year.

I've talked to Jenni and her mom and dad each time I have done their hair and have heard the progress of her pregnancy and their trials. At one point Jim, Jenni's dad told me that a so called friend had emailed Cassi pictures of other babies with this same disease, that had died and were disformed, which I thought was horribly cruel. It of course upset her deeply.

Jenni called about 3 weeks ago to let me know that the baby had been born and as of that morning the baby was still alive but they had taken all the tubes out and were waiting. Cassi was able to hold her baby and they were able to bless her and give her a name before they took her away to a different hospital. As soon as Cassi was released she went to the hospital that her baby was at and was able to spend a little more time with her before she died. I had heard this from Jenni and her dad and luckily both her parents and brothers and sister were able to be there for her.

Today I did Jenni's hair and was talking to her about everything and she gave me the url to Cassi's blog, which I feel is too private to share with everyone. So the blog hopper that I am, I went to her blog tonight and was soon in tears looking at the pictures of the grave side memorial and the words of her husband who spoke at the memorial, I think what hit me the hardest was, 'For having so many problems, she had a surprisingly tight little grip – enough to consistently melt the heart of her 27 year old father.'








I am in tears again. This just breaks my heart and I feel so thankful that my 3 children have been so healthy and I have had the opportunity to raise them and be a mother to them. I admire Cassi's strength and they will be in my prayers daily.

So, I am going to kiss my children once again tonight and leave you with some word art. Our Speed Scrap was alot of fun last night and one of things we were instructed to do was create word art for our page. This was my final result...

This is my sweet little miracle, we know for everything we did to prevent another child, he is our miracle baby and has added so much joy to his mother's life. I'm sorry for the sad blog tonight. I promise for a more upbeat one tomorrow. I still need to tell my Hunter's hair story, I have pictures and maybe a video if I dare post it. He will be furious with me if I do. We'll see. Here is the download link for the word art, it comes in black, white and red. Go kiss your babies for me tonight and thank God for all your blessings!


6 comments:

Maria said...

Thank you! Your blog post will be advertised on the DigiFree Digital Scrapbooking Freebie search engine today.

Wanda said...

I am in tears, praying for peace for Jenni and her husband, knowing their little baby girl is in God's loving arm awaiting their arrival in Heaven to meet once again.

SissyMerks said...

It breaks my heart whenever I hear of a parent loosing a child. I am so sorry for Jenni and her family.

Ginger said...

This is so sad! I will keep them in my prayers.

Judy- Okla said...

Only have a heavy sad heart if you find you cannot feel compassion for anothers broken heart.You know and feel the worth of a child in your life and you are only thinking of what they are missing. But our God is a gracious and loving God and he will give them another at the right time. Havung lost my oldest son almost 4 years ago, I know their sense of loss, sadness and realization of many things they will not get to experience. Time doesnt heal all wounds, but makes them bearable. Your kit tribute is pricelss, your little angel is beautiful and he is loved. Be sad when you must, but live each day full of loving, laughing and creating. THanks so much for a most beautiful freebie!!

Scott said...

That is so sad- makes you reflect on the blessing of life.